"Love the One You’re With": The Real Meaning of Valentine’s Day

I was reminded that Valentine’s Day is not for lovers-only by a radio station fund raiser:  They asked listeners to buy roses not only for their spouse or partner, but also for mothers, sisters, brothers, elderly friends or someone who is going through a hard time.  The original Saint Valentine was not celebrated as a lover, but for his generosity – he anonymously gave dowry money to poor young women so they could marry. Let’s reclaim the larger meaning of Valentine’s Day.

"You have two choices in life: Be single and lonely, or married and bored."

                                                                            – Chris Rock, comedian.

The media and the marketers are working overtime to get us to spend money on "stuff" to enhance the romance we are supposed to desire in our lives.  For those of you who have a spouse, partner or lover your most important gift is your undivided attention. Taking time to show your appreciation of your beloved in simple and everyday ways: bring a cup of coffee or tea when you partner is busy with paperwork or relaxing with reading; surprise them with their favorite (fill in the blank) "just because"; ditch the kids and go out to dinner, a movie or for a walk together – just the two of you. The engine that keeps this going is the simple and heart-felt "Thank You."

For those of us who are not in a relationship – by choice or by happenstance – now is the time to look around and consciously recognize those people in your life who give you love in its many forms: mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, and friends. You can send them a Valentine’s card or e-mail; or a "thinking of you" message or phone call. Remember the non-human beings who love you: your pets. When you move beyond the stereotypes of love you find you are richer than you thought. Reach out and connect with them. Have a girls’ night out, or a raucous night in. A potluck with friends and family.

Celebrate yourself. You are worthy of love; the love of others and the love of yourself. You are getting better and better with the passage of years and the accumulation of life experiences (even though it may not have felt like it at the time.) Treat yourself to a lovely meal or a day doing your favorite thing, with yourself as company.

"If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with."

                                                     -  Steven Stills    Crosby, Stills, and Nash

A shift in attitude can make Valentine’s Day more fun. A shift in your bedroom can make it more romantic or self-expressive.  Many of my clients have master bedrooms that look and feel like an afterthought.  There is a ceiling light overhead and a small lamp on one side of the bed. This kind of lighting kills romance and is not very functional either. The best bedrooms have lamps, at least 18 inches tall, with translucent shades, on both sides of the bed and another lamp on the bureau. The ceiling light should only be used when cleaning the room. Recessed ceiling lights over the head of the bed are not romantic and not a substitute for bedside lamps.

If you are contentedly single, the bedroom is the place where you can express yourself: you can be outrageously eccentric or make a very personal nest. Have uncensored fun!